Tough night.

Having a tough night. I'm feeling very sad. Thinking about our situation, mine and my mom's, and I'm thinking why we're in this situation. I see her with her aches and pains, and it just breaks my heart that I can't help her more than I am able to. I want us to really move back to Toronto, and start over. I want her to be able to just take it easy and I, in turn, will provide for her. I want to travel with her, spend more time with her. If we stay here in the US, I'm afraid it's not going to happen.

I know the Lord had a reason why He allowed us to come here. But I think it's time to go back. I'm feeling the urgency much more so now, than I did before.

I covet your prayers. Thank you.


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My weekend, thus far.

I wrote on Facebook that my plans this weekend would consist of one thing, and one thing only: SLEEP. So, I did sleep in today. Woke up some time around 11:30am. Watched some TV, then ran to AAA to pay for my insurance before the deadline. These past few weeks have been really exhausting, mostly because of work. I've not experienced stress quite like this, ever. I've worked with 2 very tough lawyers, who are both workaholics for 2 years, and I still wasn't as stressed out back then as I have been the past couple of weeks. I've been losing weight, which something I'm not complaining about, and my gray hair seemed to have multiplied exponentially over the course of two weeks. Sigh. I enjoy being around my co-workers, and I actually don't mind the job as much. But, I wish it were closer to home. I'm always very tired at the end of the day. I find myself coming home, sitting on my bed, then waking up in the middle of the night, still in my street clothes, because I'd forgotten to change. I'm beginning to wonder if this job is worth it. I'm praying for a job that's closer to home.

Still reeling at the news that I stumbled upon by accident about the object of my affection. It's a bit disheartening, and definitely heart-breaking for me. I suppose there's nothing I can do anymore. I must move on. It's hard to get over something unrequited. But, I need to get over it. I don't know if he knows how I really feel, but I have expressed to him my admiration. I suppose that was a good thing, in the end. Ahhhh... There's still an itty-bitty part of me that's hoping I'd still have a chance. But given the circumstance he's in now, I've lost my chance. Sigh. I wonder if he's ever read my blog, and if he has, I wonder if he knew that he's the one I'd been referring to as the object of my affection. I guess we'll never know now. Sighing some more.

Going to sleep now, or will attempt to. Church tomorrow. Good night.

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Growing weary.

The commute to work in the morning is starting to take a toll. I'm starting to grow weary of it. There are so many things going through my head. I wish work was a bit closer. *sigh*


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My "moment" with Brian McKnight. Yep, it happened. So hush. LOL

I remember like it was yesterday. LOL OK, OK. So, some of you may have heard from me the "moment" I had with Brian McKnight. Yes, THE Brian McKnight. This probably happened almost 2 years ago now. So, here's how it went down. I went on a spontaneous GNO (Girls' Night Out) with my friends, Vanessa and Gayle, and we decided to go to Universal Citywalk since we hadn't been there in so long and just wanted a place where we can have dinner then walk around to window-shop, etc. We had dinner at Bubba Gump's, then decided to walk around and check out a few stores. Walked into this one store that specializes in chocolate candies/desserts, all sorts of chocolate flavoured goodies (and not-so goodies, depending on your palette), you could imagine (including chocolate-covered bacon). After trying out some of what they had to offer, we decided to check out another candy store next door. As we walked out of the place, I noticed some tall dude out of the corner of my eye, but I was looking at my iPhone at the time. I stopped for a bit, because I couldn't really walk and text at the same time. LOL Then, I looked up, and noticed the tall dude was staring at me. Like, STARING. I didn't realize who it was at first, so I was thinking, "what the heck? whatchu lookin' at foo'?" at the time. hah! It slowly dawned on me WHO was staring at me..... BRIAN MCKNIGHT!!! He was facing the store we had just walked out of and had his back towards the crowd. I guess he was hoping no one would notice him. Anyway, the funny thing was, he didn't even look away right away when I was finally looking back at him! He kinda had this smirk and then finally slowly looked away. Needless to say, I had to pick up my jaw off the floor! When I finally got my wits about me, I rushed over to where Vanessa and Gayle were (who had both walked ahead of me), and I had to pull both of them aside and whispered to them that Brian McKnight was standing there a few feet away. Gayle and Vanessa both shrieked, and I had to shush them. LOL Gayle was like, "do you want to go and say hi?" I was up for it, but Vanessa got all shy, even though, we decided to go back and make sure it was him. By the time we decided to go say hi to him, a crowd of people had formed around him and started talking to him. It didn't seem like he was too happy being noticed (he was there with his gf at the time, and her family), so we just decided to leave him alone. I was too excited, I just had to tweet about it! Brian McKnight was staring at me! Yes, we had a moment. Ahhh!!!

Faugust? Fogust?

Faugust? Fogust? It's a new word that I learned from the morning news show today, describing what the weather's been like this month. It's been a bit gloomy and foggy, I have to say. And we're in the middle of the summer. We're probably going to experience summer-like weather towards the end of this year, AGAIN. Remember last December? We experienced a heatwave for, at least, a couple of weeks (or possibly more?)!

I'm getting a bit impatient lately. I cannot wait for 2012. It can't come any sooner. There are reasons as to why I am wanting it to be 2012 already, but that will be revealed at a later time. I'm excited and apprehensive all at the same time. Lots of praying, and seeking God's guidance. But, one thing's for sure: 2012, please get here faster!

I have to write a "to-do list" in relation to (and prior to the arrival of) 2012. Don't know where to start, however. But, I have been trolling the 'net for ideas and such. I will definitely need a game-plan. I just don't want to go about it all willy-nilly. There's preparation, and then there's just a leap of faith, and trusting God for what's best.

Work has been strange lately. It's been a slow couple of months, as far as sales are concerned. Not really what you want to happen in this kind of business we're in. I hope it's just a minor bump on the road for our company, and all other textile/garment companies, for that matter.

Ugh. My contacts are completely bothering me. Perhaps, I should take them off now. I need a new prescription for my eyes. I think they may have gotten worse. Oy. Mom has hi-jacked the remote. I suppose I should just call it a night then.

EGRs

Lord, please help me to be more loving towards certain people that require extra grace (a.k.a. Extra Grace Required), just as you have shown extra grace towards me. It's soooo difficult at times. :(


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Level 42 - Almost There - Live - HD

I'll be shameless for once and say this (apologies to his gf): NATHAN KING, I LOVE YOU! OK, got it out of my system. ;)

Exhausted.

I've come to a realization that I am old. Yes, old. This job has aged me, significantly. I've only been at this job, a little over 5 months, but I feel like I've been working there for many years. I enjoy my co-workers, and working with them, of course. However, the nature of the job itself takes a toll on me. It's very demanding, and the stress-level is quite high because you have to meet deadlines and demands of customers (fabric buyers, textile companies, designers, manufacturers) and the sales-people. My particular department, Sales and Production, is constantly moving. Gotta get those orders out, one right after the other. And it's a 2-person department - me and my supervisor. It gets really busy that, some times, my supervisor doesn't take a lunch break anymore. She forces me to. Otherwise, I would skip lunch altogether as well, just to meet the demands of the customers. I'm drained physically, and mentally, every single day. My day starts off drained already, just from driving to work (it takes me an hour to drive to and from work). So, by the time I reach work, I'm already exhausted. Then, the work starts, and more stress and exhaustion. I walk back and forth, constantly, from my desk to the warehouse, then up a couple of flights of stairs to have purchase orders approved by head of Accounting. Taking calls, screening calls, forwarding calls, getting yelled at by demanding salespeople, trying not to yell back. Cutting samples, packing orders, giving inventory, scheduling trucks for shipping, the list goes on and on... It's constant. There's little to no down-time at all. If I wasn't forced to take my lunch break, I'd be pulling my hair out by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone's job is as demanding, if not even more so. I don't mind being busy, it makes the day go by so much faster. But I do mind the stress and the physical and mental exhaustion. People have mentioned to me that I've lost some weight. It's not because I was on a healthy regimen of exercise and proper eating, it's because of the stress from this job. I have clumps of grey hair, which is ridiculous, because of the stress from this job. I don't bother dressing up to work anymore because at the end of the day, I'm all grime and soot from being in the warehouse 80% of the day, making sure the warehouse people are pulling the correct rolls of fabric. I feel bad for being constantly on their cases, but if I don't do it, we won't get our orders out in time, and that's when the barrage of phone-calls and yelling start to happen. Today, they added another task for me to do, because they don't want to hire new people. They like to do a lot of reshuffling and adding. I'm feeling aches and pains. I feel way older than I really am. But despite all of these, I praise God that I have a job at all. Especially after finding myself unemployed for a month and a half. That was scary. It's like doing a trapeze act without a safety net. But, man alive! Am I exhausted! I'm going to need a vacation. Facebook, Twitter, and blogging are my distractions. It's sad, but I've no energy to do something after work. By the time I'm done with work, all I can think about is going home and vegging. As much as I'd like to go out and be with friends, my body doesn't seem to like the idea. Sigh. Pray for me. I need God's strength in my moments of weakness.

Having a weak moment...

I'm overwhelmed with sadness right now. I feel lonely. Not alone, but lonely. Lord Jesus, please remind me of my joy in You. Amen.

Got game?

Today was just a scorcher. Stayed at home for most of the day, but decided to get out of the house eventually. Headed on over to my local Barnes & Noble to see if I could find Simon Pegg's autobiography, "Nerd Do Well", unsuccessfully, I might add, so I walked to the Starbucks across the way, and got myself something cool and refreshing, well, my own version of it.

So, I sat at a table in the patio area and resumed reading "The Hobbit" on my iPhone's Kindle app. A few minutes later, I noticed someone sitting at the table across from me. This guy, kinda cute, was looking at me. Then, he smiled at me when I directly looked at him. I smiled back, just to be nice, and resumed reading. Not too long after, I looked up again, and cute guy was looking and smiling at me, again! I smiled back, but he made me a bit nervous, I'm not sure why. I tried to finish my drink and got up and left! I don't know why I did! Perhaps, I was getting nervous that he was going to come up to me and start chatting me up.... I KNOW! I tend to get nervous like that! I'm just not used to that kind of attention from the opposite sex. I noticed that I have been getting it lately. Now, that I'm in my mid-30s, it's become more frequent. If you know me, I'm not the one guys look at or notice right away. I've always been Miss Plain Jane. For many years, that's who I am. Even my own family thinks of me that way. It's not sad, it's just how it is. They never thought of me as someone guys would be attracted to. I don't blame them for thinking it though. It's just how the world revolves. So, I have insecurities when it comes to men paying attention to me. I've got no game. None whatsoever. I don't know how to play the game at all! So, when homey-dude did what he did, I didn't quite know how to handle it, so I wanted to flee.
But yeah, I've got NO GAME.

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