Being happy again.

Last night, seeing Take 6, makes me wonder even more why I'm not doing anything in music. I really wish I could just make music and perform it for a living. I'm not sure where it all went wrong, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I know I made wrong choices and decisions along the way, that's why I ended up where I'm at. I am grateful to God for even having this job that I currently have, but to be completely honest, I've become a completely different person because of this job. I think I let this job get to me. I have become bitter and angry. Every single day, there's not one moment when I'm not irritated or annoyed at something or someone. I've never yelled at anyone in my entire life up until I started this job. I'm always on edge, I'm always on the brink of walking out. Because of the current situation I'm in, it's hard to find another job. I can't really explain, but my circumstances limits me from finding a new job, even though I've been looking for one for so long. Thus, why I want to go back home to Toronto. I believe more opportunities are available for me there.

Anyway, I miss music. I miss performing on a regular basis. I miss being surrounded by it. I was a much happier and brighter person when I was doing music. I think part of the reason why I get attached to music groups that I like is because I want to do what they're doing. I want to be out there, in front of the crowds, sharing my music, and people appreciating it. I think I live vicariously through these groups that I love so much. That is why I want to know everything about them. I envy them so much. I tear up just thinking about it. I know God has given me a gift, and I'm sad that I don't get to fully use it. I haven't been happy for the past 2 years, and I want it to change. I need it to change, so I can go back to the person I was 2 years ago.