At a crossroads.

Yet again, I have found myself at a crossroads in my life. I don't know what's gonna happen this time. Deep down, I have resolved that if I ever decide to go back to school again, I would go back to finish my music degree, or at least do something that's performance-related. Well, just a few weeks ago, I had found out that I could only stay at this job that I'm at for 6 months, and then I'm out. Oddly enough, I was anticipating that this would happen. Coincidentally, on the same day that I found out, I was looking at My Yahoo! and I happened to stumble upon my horoscope. Being a Christian, who believes that I don't own my future, and that God is the one who holds my tomorrow, I normally don't believe in horoscopes and all that non-sense. However, that particular day when I happened to read it, I thought that that was the best affirmation I've had in my entire life. Maybe, God, in His own way, used it to tell me something. The horoscope that day read,

"It may be time to think about a career move, dear Aquarius. You are incredibly
creative, much more than you give yourself credit for. That needs to change.
What is the point in doing a job if it is only for the pay? You have a lot to
contribute to this world, and in fact have an obligation to do so. Today, start
to brainstorm ways you can put your talents to better use."

That was it. It hit the nail right on the proverbial head! It was exactly what I'd been feeling and thinking for a long time now, and what exactly I needed to see. It gave me the confidence to look forward to what's going to happen, and what God has in store for me. That is why I have decided to go back to music. I want to go back to school. This time, I'm determined to do it. It may take forever, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice. I've slacked off all this time, and I don't see myself doing this job permanently. Like the horoscope said, what's the point of staying at a job you have no interest in, if it's only for the pay? It's like this big bell going off in my head! Anyway, I feel good about my decision so far, and I know that by God's grace, everything would work out. So far, I have only been in contact with one school, AMDA in NYC. The admissions counsellor is very helpful, and loads of fun! I have yet to contact someone from Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA. It's always been one of my dream schools, but when I had the opportunity to apply there right out of high school, I chickened out because I was too afraid and too dependent on my parents. Berklee's a little tougher to swallow, and I could just imagine the competition. But the quality of education I would get and the people I would get to meet and work with would be worth all the struggles. I would definitely become a better musician because of it. I'm praying that Berklee would accept me. *gets on knees and starts praying*

Rockapella Concert (Barry's last show) - The Starlight Bowl, Burbank, CA - July 14, 2002

This was definitely an historic occasion, and I was privileged enough to have been a part of that evening. Barry Carl, long-time bass man, and our 60 Minute Man, chose that day of all days, to retire from a group that had been a major part of his life, and in his hometown no less. Emotions ran high, especially among the diehards – some of whom have seen Rockapella numerous times and have memorized every song and in-between-song banter. Barry got a lot of stage time. Every applause, every cheer was directed at him. Everyone wanted to make sure that he felt appreciated and that he would be terribly missed. George was great, as I had the privilege of seeing him a few months back in NYC. But Bear was THE man. When you hear the Carmen Sandiego theme song, you always wait to hear his earth-shattering, spine-tingling voice singing “Carmen Sandiego”. Not only was he an awesome singer, basso profundo, he was a sweetheart, a gentleman and a gentle giant. And I was fortunate enough to have had the pleasure of speaking with him numerous times during meet-and-greets, always getting a hug from the man each time, accompanied with the biggest smile on his face like he was always glad to see me. He was always welcoming and accommodating. He’s a true class act. He sang his staple songs, “60 Minute Man”, “Sixteen Tons”, even “Big Bad John”. Each song became more and more sentimental. At the end of the night, the crowd rose to its feet to acknowledge how great Mr. Carl truly is and how much we would all miss him. At the meet-and-greet, there was somewhat organized chaos. Everyone wanted a piece of Barry, wanted a chance to say “goodbye” to him. I stepped back and let everyone else have their chance at speaking to him. I figured I could wait a little longer. In the meantime, I spent time talking to Kevin, along with my cousins and my friends. He was wearing a shirt with “Wonka” written on it. “Willy Wonka”, we said. Of course we knew the connotation it had, and it turned out that a fan gave him that shirt because of his curly hair. LOL We took a picture with Kevin and he somehow developed a fascination with my digital camera. The blinding flash must have mesmerized him or something. He even tried to explain to everyone the features it had. Funny Kevin. My friends wanted me to introduce them to Scott, as they were probably under the impression that I knew Scott personally. I don’t know why… LOL Anyway, so we walked over to Scott. He seemed happy to see me and gave me a hug. I proceeded to introduce my friends to him. I asked him if he ever received that e-mail that I sent him through his rockapella.com address and he said that he didn’t, but asked me what it was about. I told him that I just wanted to ask him if he’d ever consider doing another solo CD, and if he did, I’d love to sing back-up for him for free. He laughed and said that he didn’t have any plans at the time. Then he asked, “Do you sing?” I said that I did, and then one of my friends asked him, “Have you ever heard her sing?! Oh my gosh!” as if they could not believe that he had never heard me sing! It was hilarious! Anyway, he looked at me square in the eye and said, “Sing for me.” Whoa! I was a little taken aback, but of course, being the ham that I am, I sang for him. After I finished singing, he just stared at me for a while, either in shock or in awe, I couldn’t really tell (LOL), and said, “Wow, I didn’t know you could sing,…and do it so beautifully!” *cue my jaw hitting the floor* I was simply in cloud 9! I said “thanks!” and he said that he would definitely keep me in mind if he ever made a solo CD (still waiting Scott! LOL). Then he asked me how long I’d been singing, so I told him that I’d been singing since I was 2 and told him about the singing group that my cousins and I have. He seemed to be really interested in what I was telling him and he asked me what kind of songs we sing and if we were an a cappella group. I told him that we weren’t an a cappella group but that we do some a cappella songs from time-to-time. During our conversation, we also got into the whole thing about how it’s rare to find really good pieces for women a cappella groups to sing because a lot of a cappella music are bass-dependent (or something like that, can’t really remember what he exactly said). Then he suggested that if we were on the look-out for a bass, we should go ask Barry what he’s up to since he’d have a lot free time now. LOL Too funny Scott! It was great. I wouldn’t mind having Barry in my singing group! So, we’d come to the moment that I’d been dreading – saying goodbye to my favorite bass man. *sigh* I tried not to get emotional. I went up to him and got my hug. I told him that I really appreciated him, his talent and generosity to the fans and that I would miss him dearly. We asked him what his plans were, and then he said that he would stick around L.A. for a while to visit with family and friends that he hadn’t seen in a very long time, before heading back to New York and figure out his next project. Finally, we took our picture with Bear and said our final farewell and left with bittersweet memories of the evening.

Post 4th of July update.

Well, the 4th of July came and went, and guess what I did? NOTHING! Whoo-hoo! Exciting, isn't it? I wanted to go somewhere, but I didn't know where I wanted to go. I would've gone to NYC again, just to be away from Los Angeles, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money, and I was just there a month ago. I could've gone to San Diego, but I don't know anyone out there and I wouldn't know where to go anyway. San Francisco was another option, but I will be going there at the end of August to attend a friend's wedding. So, what exactly did I do for 4th of July, you ask? I stayed home and had bbq with my family and did my laundry. I didn't really mind pending it with family, however, I'm feeling out-of-place a little bit every day. I really need to get away, to move somewhere else. I don't like being in Cerritos anymore. I'm tired of it. Nothing against Cerritos, but I'm just that type of person who gets tired of living in the same place, for a long period of time. I think it's just coming from having to move a lot when I was younger. And I get tired of competing with people, having to one-up the other. I don't care what they say anymore. I'm just gonna live my own life the way I want to. Accountable to no one but God. I'm not a bad person, I don't party hard, drink in excess or do drugs. I'm not promiscuous and I don't intend to be. It's just not the life that I want to live, because it's so unsatisfying. I think I'm starting to gain perspective on things, slowly but surely. I try not to dwell on material things, or what this world can offer, because the truth is, this world can't offer me squat. But I do have something to offer to the world, and that is hope, hope in Jesus Christ. I know that I haven't been living my life the way I know that I should live, but I have that desire and I just want to be able to continue to have that desire. I know that I still sin, but that's no reason for me to run away from God. I should run to Him instead when I do sin. Okay, I'm rambling and have lost my train of thought, but I just hope that whoever reads this gets a little perspective in life.

Anyway, I finally joined a gym after having talked about it for so many months. I must say that I'm really sore right now that everytime I move a limb, I shriek in pain…Well, ok, I'm exagerrating, but I am in pain. It's so rewarding though, and I feel a lot lighter. I've only gone twice, my first work-out was with a personal trainer and he really worked me hard, and the other one was just today, and I did the treadmill and another contraption which I don't really know the name of, but it's like skiing and step-climbing at the same time. It really works you out. I just hope that I do lose some weight. I want to be fit for the summer, I just want to lose some weight and concentrate on flattening my abs and toning my arms, especially my tri-ceps. I was thinking about not signing up to train for a personal trainer anymore, but I think it's gonna be a good investment. I need to get in shape and lose weight, just to feel better. I'm not getting any younger and my metabolism is starting to slow down even more, so I think this will be a good thing for me.